‘I do a lot of gardening and my back always seems to be in agony.'The reflexologist/masseuse was taking notes.
‘You see, I spend all my time leaning down, weeding, hoeing, raking, digging. My lower back is always completely stiff. Is there anything you could recommend to improve it? Should I be leaning over differently?'
I did a demonstration of the way I generally leaned down.
‘Do you garden biodynamically?'
Biodynawhat? ‘Er, no'
‘Ah, well "that's" where you're going wrong.'
I was a little surprised. Prodding, rubbing and general manipulation, yes. Maybe even a free glass of water afterwards. But New Age horticultural advice? Not something you generally expect when you go for a massage.
‘If you sow your carrots on root days and harvest your strawberries on fruit days, you'll find things much easier,' she said confidently. ‘The plants will grow much more strongly. It's all to do with the moon.'
This put me in a difficult position since ‘It's all to do with the moon' is beaten only by ‘I'm very spiritual,' as a phrase guaranteed to make me reach for the bilgeometer. On the other hand, in a matter of minutes this woman would have me under her not inconsiderable thumbs with only a thin film of essential oil between us. |
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| Alex Mitchell |
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I decide not to show I think she's bonkers. How would gardening iodynamically stop the caterpillars from eating all my brussels sprouts?'
‘If you'd planted them on the right day they would have been stronger and so not susceptible to the caterpillars,' she announced sagely, and then started saying something about fermenting manure in the horn of a cow.
I was beginning to wonder when we were going to get around to my back. Intervention was called for.
‘What do you think of Monty Don?'
And so we progressed to more familiar territory – prodding, rubbing, general manipulation and a critical dissection of the presenting team of Gardener's World.
But afterwards, as I took my bendier back home I got to thinking about what she had said. I looked biodynamic up and discovered that Marks and Spencers never arrange wine tastings on ‘root days'. If the makers of sensible pants can take biodynamics seriously, maybe it's worth looking into.
A quick call to the Biodynamic Agricultural Association
( www.biodynamic.org.uk ) and I've ordered my calendar and found out that today is a root day. Since it's a little late to sow carrots, I tackle my strawberries which also have roots so surely count. Octupus-like, they have spawned a sea of runners, each of which I dig up and put in a pot to make a whole new plant. Did those baby roots feel the benefit of the astronomical energy of the day? Will the auspicious energy of the moon make them especially strong? No idea, but frankly I have little time to worry about such New Age silliness: I've got a cow horn to find.
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